Being Mindful

Mindfulness. I like the sound of that. A lot actually.
Just allowing yourself to be in the moment, throw a little caution to the wind.

Sure it will suck when things suck, but I am often too busy worrying about what is to come that I miss the chance to enjoy what is.
It will give me the ability to let go of everything. Of anger, of disappointment, of guilt.

It is no secret that I am a planner. Plan for the worst and hope for the best, right? So I am always trying to be a few steps ahead of where I actually am so I can prepare myself for what could possibly come.
I'm not sure if it softens the blow when bad things happen though. I still get hurt.
What I do know is that I have trouble relaxing and enjoying when things are good because I am too busy anticipating what is to come. Even when nothing bad does.
I am almost positive this only makes my anxiety worse.

So I am not going to waste my thoughts on things that are trivial. I am going to work on being in the moment, with those people who are here, in my life, and who make me happy.
Sounds so simple, yet putting it into effect is another story.

Who is up for being in the moment with me?

FFS Friday!

I am joining in with Dear Baby G for FFS Friday this week just because I have a few things to get off of my chest.

Made plans to catch up with the BFF this week and forgot that she had swapped her days at work so instead of catching up I went about my usual day doing mass housework...FFS.

Bluey forgot to meet me at the back gate after school on Tuesday which prompted a concerned call from the teacher saying he was waiting in the school office for me...FFS.

I was dressed like a homeless person because I had been cleaning...FFS.

Mr Black came home just after lunch from work on Wednesday only to have ten minutes to pack to go away for work for two nights...FFS.

For no extra pay...FFS!

This meant that I had no notice to rearrange my usual gym plans and I would be missing out for the rest of the week...FFS.

When I picked Bluey up from school and told him that his dad had gone away for work for a couple of nights he wouldn't stop crying...FFS.

We tried to call Mr Black in the hopes it would reassure Bluey further but he didn't answer his phone...FFS.

My children's sixth sense kicked in, and knowing we were one parent down decided to do things that especially tick me off...FFS.

I took Wednesday night like a champ and dealt with the discrepancies with a stern but forgiving attitude...No FFS.

Only to find out the next day after finishing the housework they had destroyed the linen cupboard with some sticky slimy brown stuff... FFS.

Needless to say I spent the entire six hours of school time cleaning on Thursday...FFS.

I called Mr Black to have a cry about the destroyed linen cupboard and he told me that they had finished up early, he was already on his way home and he would be home before dinner... No FFS.

So I got to go to the gym... No FFS.

My ass has felt like it is in a vice all day...FFS.

I forgot to pull meat out for dinner tonight until just before school pick up...FFS.

I just grabbed whichever I thought would defrost the fastest, which was sausages, and I have gone off of sausages...FFS.

They're still half frozen anyway...FFS.

Change

I have always had a funny view of the world, of people. Sort of like a skeptical belief of all the good qualities someone holds. That change is easy and why wouldn't someone want to change for the better?

I am learning that there are shades of grey I never dreamt existed.

Or maybe I didn't want to notice those slightly different shades?

That what I view as an obvious better isn't always what someone else may see as better. That even if they agree it is better it doesn't mean that they welcome the change. That a lot of people fight change.

Each of those closest to me have traits that I deeply disagree with.
I find them fascinating, but that doesn't mean I like them.
I am starting to wonder, could I still be tolerant of those qualities in years to come?
It is not my place to dictate change. It is not my job to change people, and honestly, I lose a little piece of myself when I do put the copious amounts of energy and time into encouraging those people to change.

I need to put more of a focus on me and my changes.
I am learning a lot about myself right now. It is quite strange and uncanny as the answers seem so obvious in many matters. My brain and my heart are reconnecting and it is a nice to feel something different from the usual constant squabbling.
But I am cautious. Not everyone seeks changes when they are needed. Some fight it. And that can be ok, but when is enough enough? Can I still be present in the life of those who can be harmful to me in the place I am at because they are denying change of their own?

Too Young or Too Old To Be A Mum?

I have been asked quite a bit in life if I would change the age that I became a mother.
Kate Says Stuff asked how old were you when you started your family? And would you change it if you could? Because I am asked this quite a bit and because my answer is a very long comment I thought I would share it here.

Sometimes I feel completely unprepared and like I am making a joke of my children, but I have learnt those feelings are largely tied up in my perception of what others think about me. Even if  I come across some ignorant assholes who actually voice that opinion.
There has only really been one area that has caused me to pause and consider that being older may have helped, and that is money. It would be nice to have had some more in our pockets, you know? But in saying that even if I had started a family five or ten years later there is no indication that we would be in a better place financially.

Being young has been very good in many ways, it's easier to adapt to new situations or when things don't go according to plan when you're younger. You're still trying to find your step in life and so you don't know any better if there is a little extra added weight.

It does mean that you don't get as much help as people would assume.
Well at least that was my case.
My sister has been too young and too busy partying to play Aunt much until the last couple of months. Honestly, even though there is only a 20 month age gap she has only looked after one of my kids solo within the last six months, and that was for 10 minutes! My parents both work as well as help care for my housebound grandfather (who doesn't live with them). None of my friends have had kids themselves until recent years causing a huge rift because people don't seem to think you still want friends when you're up the duff and cannot throw back all the shots. Equally making friends with my kids friends parents can be hard with the age gap, a lot of people talk down to you even though they're in the same situation of working stuff out and I don't particularly like being treated like an idiot when I'm not being one. Just because I'm younger doesn't mean you're better at this than me, we are all learning here!

As for travel and living life, I didn't want to travel until recent years, and why can't I do it in a few years? Before I know it my kids will be out the door, so I can travel in my 40's. Still young then!
I do honestly believe you can still have a life and have children. It is about what you want in life right now and making that work with your role as a parent in mind.

For now I get to be at home with my kids, and I get to find myself while raising them. I hope that it is something they will remember when they're struggling with who they are, that their mum went through it too, and that it is normal to have times where you want to work out who you want to be and where you want to take life.
Most importantly I want them to understand that when situations come up you can't stick your head in the sand, you need to face them no matter how scary they are.

Would I change being a young mum?
Not at all.

FFS Friday!

I am joining in with Dear Baby G for FFS Friday this week just because I have a few things to get off of my chest.

We took Bluey to the optometrist for an eye check up this week, turns out the kid is colour deficient...FFS.

There is nothing they can do about it...FFS.

All we can do is condition him to the fact there are certain jobs that he will not be allowed to do, most of them were jobs he has expressed interest in...FFS.

The gene was likely passed on from my father through me...FFS.

I no longer have boasting rights for all the great genetics I have given my children...FFS.

Bluey does however have 20-20 vision and perfect depth perception...NO FFS.

Greenie has a 50/50 chance of also being colour deficient...FFS.

I had to visit my beautician to show her how my IPL treatments are coming along this week...FFS.

I had to make a fake booking for an eyebrow wax and her first comment to me was "You're not really getting your eyebrows done are you?" Apparently they look good...NO FFS.

However dropping trou to someone you're not having sex with isn't the most fun start to your day...FFS.

I also had a preschooler in tow...FFS.

I got to work with Bluey's group in class this week...NO FFS.

Bluey decided that it was an excellent time to sass mouth me and argue what they were supposed to be doing. When I explained that no, right now I needed them to do something else he continued to argue...FFS.

I think I scared the other kids when I told him to knock it off or go and work with the teacher...FFS.

My bad shoulder has been really playing up this week...FFS.

I asked my trainer if there were any stretches she could recommend to help it, all she could offer me were stretches I am already doing...FFS.

It poured most of the day yesterday, but especially hard during the school drop off...FFS.

I don't drive so it means walking out in the wet, even with umbrellas and gumboots we are left feeling soggy...FFS.

As I watched the rain pick back up at 2:30pm I started hoping that maybe Mr Black would finish work early and he could do the school pick up, but as the time came to leave he still wasn't home...FFS.

When we got home Mr Black was home...FFS.


What has been giving you the shits this week?

Why I Don't Talk About It

I don't talk much about my decision to be a stay at home mum.
There are several reasons why I don't talk about it; because I feel like explaining why I choose to stay at home with my children doesn't need any justification, because in explaining why I stay at home I don't want people to assume that I think they should stay at home with their kids too, because the choice between working and staying at home is such a personal decision for each family. Even staying at home with my kids comes at a cost, just as working would.
I just know it is what works for us. More than that, it is what I need.
Just as I understand that sometimes parents work for more than the money, because work is what you need.

The same is applied to all of the decisions that we come to as parents. They are choices we make that we think will work for our children. Each of them, because yes sometimes what works for one doesn't for the other. Just the same as any child. As any family.

So I feel like sharing what works for us does less good than intended. That sharing the ideas and tricks I have picked up, the knowledge that I have gained, my beliefs, they are words that can easily be taken the wrong way. That can leave people feeling hurt.
I liken it to when I first became a mother. I was so inundated with advice and information, and I wanted to please everyone that I put my instincts second. I had several rough months until I grew some balls, started to listen to what I felt was right and actually follow that.
Still the advice came, thick and heavy and mostly unwanted.
All it did was make me feel like what I was doing was wrong, that I was inadequate.

It was the worst feeling.

So I don't write too much about how I parent here.
I don't mind reading how others parent. I quite enjoy it. But I am still stuffing it up far more often than I want to.

Do you find that you often feel judged for your choices as a parent? How do you deal with unwanted advice or when you feel someone is being too preachy about their parenting decisions?

Cinnamon Scrolls

This is what baking cinnamon scrolls looks like at our place.
What do you like to cook at your place?

 

School Holidays: "The Verdict"

This is the final post about my quest to change up the school holidays by adding a learning aspect to our days. You can find part one here and part two there.

The verdict?
I huge chunk of the usual anxiety was curbed for me. Usually I feel like I'm spending a huge chunk of the holidays curbing bad behaviour, attitude, and trying not to step on the small people who are under my feet bored.
The flexibility of the activities meant that we still had plenty of time to do loads of other things, or that we could even blow off any thing on the cirriculum and catch up later without too much hassle. That if it was a day where we just needed to not worry about that stuff, we didn't have to, but I found that if we hadn't done anything that morning they would ask to that afternoon.
After they finished their work they were only happy to go and play together, sometimes a bit of silly play, but harmless, fun, filling their bellies with giggles kind of play that makes you smile from afar. Because they were happy to go off on their own for a couple of hours and I wasn't needed to break up bickering it meant that I had good solid time to actually get stuff done instead of having to keep stopping to find something for them to do, or sort them out. Getting the housework out of the way first thing meant that I also had more time to spend with them in the afternoon, when most of the bickering would occur, so we could play something together.

So the kids seemed happier, and a little less annoying.

What gave it the biggest tick to me was what they had to say about it. That both said they really liked it. Bluey said he liked that he would get up in the morning and could read what he would get to do for the day and that he could choose when to do it. I felt it calmed him having that little bit of stimulation, but still getting a massive chunk of time to play and unwind from the terms activities.

There are already requests for next school holidays cirriculum, which include reading certain books to building a jet pack out of recyclable materials. It is something I will definitely try out again in the upcoming school holidays. I'm not too sure how it will work out a second time around, maybe the new-ness of it all will have worn off?

Is this something you would try with your children?

School Holidays: "What Went Down"

This post follows on from my last post about a little experiment I conducted over the school holidays to help tame my little one's.

Most mornings I would be woken by Greenie bringing me his book to read for the day so we would snuggle for a bit in bed while he read to me. When we got out of bed Bluey would be working on an activity for the day, and then we would have breakfast. The kids insisted most mornings that we eat outside in the morning sun and I just couldn't refuse knowing that winter is much closer than I'd like.

After breakfast we would clean up, and I would get stuck into the usual housework for the day, sometimes with the kids help, sometimes they would just want to play, and it just didn't matter because play is important. Especially when you're working on your bond with your sibling.

Eventually they would get hungry and come looking for more food and lunch would be made.

Naptime would come which gave Bluey and I a chance to work on something a little more challenging because I could give him that one on one time if he requested. It also meant he had some time to do whatever he wanted without his younger brother about.

I also made a point to include craft activities and cooking.
My kids love to help out in the kitchen, and I love to teach them simple recipes so that they can do them themselves with a little help. A gift for the future. The easier the recipe, like say pancakes or cookies, the more they can do without my help. More complex recipes don't mean they can't help, but it means that they help rather than me being the 'helper.'
I admit, I hate craft, it is such a hassle to set up and then clean up for something that really only holds my kids attention for seconds. I do still think it is important, an outlet for expression that maybe doesn't speak to me but that I shouldn't rule out that avenue for my kids. This time around we focused more on different mediums like crayons, chalk, textas so that I could get an idea for which type they preferred.

I find that it's best to work on your child's interests and build from there.
If your kid loves maths then work on some fun math games or print off some appropriate worksheets, get them to do a worksheet one day and secretly time them, and then ask them to beat that time on another day.
Bluey is a mad science fan, so we are always coming up with experiments, or just talking about different ways of thinking and seeing things.
If you want to work on something that doesn't appeal to them try to look for ways that you can make it appeal. Sometimes how I was taught at school to do something is different from how Mr Black was taught and so we will show the kids both ways and give them that option to use whichever clicks better with them.
Sometimes the answer is skipping ahead a little, to gain that interest and then coming back.

There are endless ideas on Pinterest for activities with children, but I think the important thing for learning is that it is child led. You know your child best, trust that.

What is your child interested in? Can you use that to help foster a learning experience?

School Holidays: "The Plan"

I have had a rough time with one of my kids in particular lately, if you dared to judge me on a 30 second window of me out with him frustrated then I would be the worst mum ever, but if you were watching for the last few months you would see the utter love and devotion I have to this child, the deep concern I have, the hours and days of patience that has steadily worn thin to shards so that now I roll my eyes and tell him off for what you may see to be small in that 30 second window but that I have asked him to be considerate about for months.

Children will be children. They are learning, yes, but it is also part of my responsibility as a mother to teach. Not just to read, write and do mathematics, but respect, consideration, thoughtfulness and confidence.

That's why these school holidays have been just what I've needed. What my family has needed.

Usually I have a mix of anxiety and relief over school holidays. Relief not to have to worry about the comings and goings of school, the needing what on which day, and the handling of issues after the fact that just plain annoys me. Relief that there is some time for my kids to enjoy one another, because they really do. Well, usually.
Anxiety because I have two kids who are both very different and very alike at home needing different things from me. Stress that I have to be always doing something with them, something big and memorable and super fun because if I don't I will be that bad mum who did nothing with her kids. But I never know quite what to do.

These school holidays I entered with a plan.
I drew up what has been referred to as "the curriculum." Just a 10 day chart that had a few activities written down. There was no more than a half hour of activities for the kids to do with me, which we usually did first thing in the morning.
Then we added in any other things that we would usually do on that day as well as a craft activity for the day. I went through the kids toys and pulled out one quiet toy/game and one that wasn't so quiet, and set them up, and then swapped for a different toy as needed.
I went over a mental list of things I had been putting off, things I needed to do, and things I wanted to do for myself to keep in check too. And we just did it.

The kids were excited when I stuck "the curriculum" to the wall, but I didn't know if their enthusiasm would last....

Would this be a child taming hit or a massive crash and burn?
What do you think happened?