The Sky Is Falling

It's OK I don't know who I am either.

I have told myself several times each day for the last two weeks that I need to come over here and spend some dedicated time writing.
Only it's just not happening.
It's not that I don't have stories to tell, words to write, insights to share. It's that I am lacking on time.

The true mark of a blogger is someone who walks around writing blog posts in their head all day right? Well I've got that part covered, but when I've finally got the house cleaned up and the kids content I can't remember exactly how I phrased that line, or how I wanted to say this, and so those blog posts continue to float around in my head until it comes back to me, which is usually when I'm trying to fall asleep in the middle of the night, or while I'm sitting at the school assembly mumbling along with the school pledge. "This is our school, let peace dwell here, let the rooms be full of contentment..."

During this time, more has happened than just being the super mum that I quite obviously am. Who am I kidding? Life is happening around me. I feel like my senses are heightened and I'm seeing things in a different light, and taking away some deep shit from watching the leaves turn yellow, then orange, then brown.
As they fall and die I am realising that this is life, we need to shed our skin every now and then to make way for the fresh new stuff. To allow life to grow.
Sometimes this means stippling off bare and being exposed for a while. I'm not sure if I can do that, but I really want to try.
I'm tired of sitting by and wondering how people can be so happy when I know I could be too if I demanded more from life.
I've just got to grow the balls and take a leap of faith and hope that if I start to fall someone will hurl me back up.

The Anti-Shotgun and Pro Bubble Mum

 This post is sponsored by Big W.

I will admit, I'm a by the book kind of girl. Rules are there for a reason, especially safety one's and it's better to be safe than sorry.

Greenie was rear facing until 18months old just because it's safer. He was only just this year moved from his convertible rear/forward facing restraint, to a forward facing restraint. Bluey is still in a forward facing restraint and will be until he is seven. I will probably then move him to a booster using the seat belt.
Neither have ridden 'shotgun' except the couple of times Bluey has travelled in the pick up truck.
I believe children should remain in a child restraint for as long as physically possible. I wouldn't hesitate to put my children in a bubble if I understood just how going to the bathroom would work in those things and I was assured it didn't mean me having to clean anything out...

Purchasing a child restraint is one of those things that you have to do, and when our car was stolen, child seats and all in 2009, we needed to get new seats quickly, and cost effectively. Those things are anything but cheap!
My first stop was Big W, where we found exactly what we were after within our budget for both kids, a six month old baby, and a three year old.
There was no fuss and we were able to get in and out before losing a child or the other one crying in protest of how boring shopping for car seats was and that what daddy really wanted to spend the money on was a trip to the day spa for mummy.
Hey, this is my story, and I can tell it how I recall it. So what if that's not what Mr Black was really thinking?


Please take a moment to watch this video from NRMA Insurance:




How long does your family spend on average in the car?
Think about it, between the school drop off and pick up, after school activities, visits with friends and family, the quick trips to the shops to pick up a couple of things for dinner. It adds up.

Does your toddler complain about being restrained and pull her arms out flailing them about? We're almost there you tell yourself and you leave her to be happy with her free arms.
Does the five year old just jump in the front because you're only going five minutes down the road and can't be bothered with the fight to get them in the back. Besides, you're only going around the corner.
Did you know that 52% of car accidents happen within 8km's of your house?
That's not very far.
That's the bulk of where you travel, daily, the same route's over and over.
And that 60% of children are incorrectly restrained?

Children must be restrained up to seven years of age, by law, with hefty fines to the driver if they are not. The right restraint for your child isn't just based on their age, but more importantly their weight and size.
A child who is properly secured in an approved child restraint is less likely to be injured or killed in a car crash than one who is not.


To be perfectly transparent the national child restraint laws state:

• Children younger than six months must be secured in a rearward facing restraint.
• Children aged six months to under four years must be secured in either a rear or forward facing restraint.
• Children aged four years to under seven years must be secured in forward facing child restraint or booster seat.
• Children younger than four years cannot travel in the front seat of a vehicle with two or more rows.
• Children aged four years to under seven years cannot travel in the front seat of a vehicle with two or more rows, unless all other back seats are occupied by children younger than seven years in a child restraint or booster seat.

Understanding just when to move a child on to the next type of restraint can be pretty confusing. We are all aware at how differently children grow and develop, so age should only be used as a rough guideline and more importantly you should refer to the manufacturer's instructions regarding weight and height, as well as looking for these indicators:

• Their shoulders no longer fit comfortably within the restraint; or
• Their eye-level is higher than the back of the restraint; or
• The top insertion slots for the shoulder straps are below the level of the child’s shoulders.

That stuff is seriously helpful right? I can see you right now thinking about how your child looks in their seat and thinking we need a new car seat (go, get one here, it's so easy).

Now can someone please tell me how a kid poops in the bubble so I can go and purchase two?

Exactly The Same And Completely Different

Image found here

Looking out the window.
People pass by in a blur. You cannot make our faces only shapes and colours.
Houses become a rigid angular feature. A boarder.
Tree's a sparse blob here or there like an ink blot.

You're not moving yet the world keeps on passing in a blur.
Reaching out to slow it down doesn't work, but moving faster isn't an option.
Without thought a hand reaches out in a desperate attempt to slow the mish mashed world down.
The glass batting the hand back.

Eyes close.
They open.
Suddenly everything becomes so clear. Right down to the cracks in the pavement.
Are those cracks really imperfections or are they signs of growth, of movement, of change?

Sometimes life can be two complete opposites in exactly the same moment.

How to Throw a Super Fun Birthday Party For a Boy

As children get a little older, what they want their birthday parties to be like usually differs slightly based on their gender. You probably didn’t have to do much gender-specific planning for your son’s birthday party when he was a baby or a toddler. However, if your son is in elementary school now, you’re probably going to want to step up your game a little bit and gear the party more toward your son’s interests. Here are a few tips to help you plan a super fun birthday party for a boy:

1. Consider party venues and activities that will keep the kids active

Party adventure centers that allow the party guests to play laser tag or mini-golf and jump on moon bounces are ideal for a boy’s birthday party. If you’d prefer to have the party at your house, be sure to plan lots of fun, outdoor games and activities for the kids. Typically, boys want to be active at a birthday party. So, be sure you give them a chance to run around and tire themselves out.

2. Avoid accidentally inviting frenemies

Being careful about who you invite is a good idea for both boys’ and girls’ parties alike. Kids have the most fun when just their closest friends are at the party. So many parents make the mistake of inviting their child’s whole class, and conflict inevitably arises at the party because of this. Get together with your son before the party and create a guest list that only includes the kids your child enjoys spending time with.

3. Make the party extra fun with a themed cake and themed decorations

Pick a theme for your child’s party to make it especially fun and festive. The theme of the party could be pirates, Bob the Builder, Super Mario, or dinosaurs, for instance. You could encourage the party guests to dress up based on the theme, and you could bake a themed cake and get some theme-appropriate party decorations. Things like decorations and a themed cake may not seem like that big of a deal, but they can definitely make a difference at the party in terms of how festive things feel.
These are just a few of the ways you can make your son’s birthday party extra fun and special this year. So, keep the party guests busy, avoid sending invitations to frenemies, and consider your theme options!

Author’s Bio: Melissa is a mom, event planner, and guest blogger who writes about parenting, party planning, early childhood education, and how to throw a themed party with things like Super Mario party supplies.

Loving a Bit Of Colour

The thing about me is I can be quite fickle when it comes to my looks and style.
I get bored and use it as a way to express myself. Especially my hair and make up.

About nine months ago I had found a hair style that no questions asked was going to be in my hair. Originally it was for my birthday, but I decided I wanted to wait a little longer and that Christmas time would do, but then it got pushed back again to before the Digital Parents Conference.

I'm talking tie-dying my hair.
I was clear from the start that I wanted pink and green with perhaps a little blue to soften the bold colours up a little. I'm known for not being a fan of blue, so there is only the tiniest bit of blue in there.

The difference between tie-dying and colour dipping is that you take small blocks of your hair, and you colour it, as well as leaving some blocks "natural", so you have a flicker of colour mixed in with the natural looking colour. Just like when you tie-dye a shirt, you have colour with the flecks of white.

Dip dying is when you're taking all of your hair and dipping it into a colour. Like doing all of the ends, or taking a whole section and doing it the one colour. A new and very cool looking trend that I am personally loving is when you do this, but you also add in another colour higher up on the section if you're just doing the ends.

But we are here about tie-dying, and I want to tell you how I got this look!

I've taken you through the steps of me re-colouring my hair. It lasted two months before the colour washing out to a barely noticeable pale pastel look. That's really good in my opinion. I've used fudge hair colours in the past, and whilst looking great they usually last 3 washes before the colour bleeds out and I need to recolour, so I was colouring every other week at the very least.

I've sectioned off my hair using bobby pins to hold the same strands of colour together. When you're doing this for the first time, you won't need to section off, but you can if you like.

I've then mixed up my colour in a dye pot (they're just those little bowls hairdressers use, and they're super cheap to pick up), and grabbed my colour brush (again super cheap).

Then you apply the dye to the ends of your hair. It's entirely up to you how long you want the dye to reach, I have about 2-3 inches in my long hair, but you adjust it for you, and remember that you want it to be abstract so each piece doesn't need to be coloured evenly.
When colouring the piece you will want to blend the colour in. I do this by applying the colour and then squeezing it out using my fingertips at the top of where you've coloured. You can also do this by using your hair dye brush once you have placed most of the excess on the ends, but I find this method to be a bit trickier.
Just remember to blend! It is a very important step. The colour should darken through to the tips.

As you colour each section you need to wrap it in foil. I've done this by tearing some pieces of foil, I lay my coloured hair on top of the piece of foil, fold the bottom up, and then wrap each side towards the other side. This is to keep the coloured sections separate so the dye doesn't mix.

Depending on the vibrancy you want to achieve, leave the colour in from 20-40 minutes. This will work best in lighter hair to darker, so if you are a dark haired beauty having the ends you would like to colour bleached first is a very good idea to achieve vibrancy. I would recommend going in to a hairdressing salon for this because I personally do not like the idea of working with bleach untrained as it's very easy to get wrong.

Once you're happy with the colour I found washing it out in the laundry sink to be the best way to go. Taking one foiled piece off at a time, rinse the colour out until the water runs clear, and then squeeze the piece of hair with an old towel until it's damp. Repeat this for each foiled section, ensuring to squeeze each piece until it's damp so that the colours do not run together.

At this point I suggest spritzing a bit of Moroccan Oil into the ends of your hair before blow drying, and then heading out to show off your new 'do.

Tell me, would you ever tie-dye your hair?
Have you used any bold colours in your hair?

Mothers Day

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Tomorrow morning you're going to wake up with a little bit more of a smile on your dial. The kids may not be quiet while you attempt to "sleep in", the breakfast may be a little burnt, the gifts may be...quite obviously hand made by your toddler, or chosen by your child who has just picked the biggest and most sparkly thing they could find at the mothers day stall at school.

But you will smile, because this is the day you hold the cards. "It's MOTHERS Day, so we are doing what I want to do because YOU.LOVE.ME."

You may wander out to find a nice clean house. No, there is no need to feign your surprise, we know the only reason it is clean is because you spent the entire day the day before scrubbing every surface because no one else is going to, and dammit, you need it clean on your bloody day otherwise you will end up spending that day cleaning your house, like you did on Mother's Day 2010.

You will find a nice big gift wrapped box waiting patiently for you, and oh, look at that, it's EXACTLY what you asked for! But you already know this because you spent the Thursday night before braving the late night shoppers and punk ass teenagers getting yourself this perfect present because no one else is going to.

You will then proceed to clean up the kitchen after the disaster that was breakfast, and get started on preparing the food for the guests you are hosting later that day. Maybe it's your MIL or your own mother? You will set about racing around and realising you forgot the fucking mayonnaise for the pasta salad you are attempting to make and shoot of a string of obscenities whilst collecting your purse and keys and heading to the shops hoping the lines are small. You will promise yourself that next year you're just going to book in at a restaurant where you don't have to cook or clean up afterwards. Except next year you don't, you still do the whole homemade thing, because it's what your mum would have done, and because no one else is going to.

I'm starting to think that Mothers Day is really just another day for us to do more shit we would otherwise pleasantly ignore.
Fuck this shit.


Bluey and his class shared a beautiful poem at their school assembly this week that I wanted to share with you. My kids? They're kinda alright.

Mothers Day

My mum she's the best from her head to her toes,
She is warm and she's soft, smelling sweet like a rose.

She keeps me safe and she keeps me well fed,
Her kisses are sweet as she tucks me in bed.

So here's to all mums, especially to mine,
Thanks for being my mum and making Mothers Day just shine.

To all the mothers, mothers to be, mothers who have left us, and mothers who have had children leave them too soon, Happy Mothers Day.

Bacardio is the new Pilates

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I believe strongly that people are either givers to takers. Not always in a general sense, because I do feel it can change with specific relationships, but overall you're either a giver or a taker.

A lot of people will be quick to declare themselves a giver. A taker sounds selfish, harsh, unyielding. I don't think that being a taker is a bad thing though, and let me tell you why.

I'm a giver by nature. I have always been, and I probably will never be able to shake the fact that I want to give to people, it's what makes me feel good about myself. Useful.
This also means that my happiness relies too much on others. That it's tied up somewhere with being accepted, and my ability to do bigger and better things each time. A competition I have with myself. A stupid quest of perfectionism.
A recipe for disaster.

People who take are quite in tune to what they want and need, they don't fluff about with hopes of things eventuating. They're straight shooters, get to the point, and get what they need. They take care of their happiness themselves.
The only downside? Sometimes they can forget to give back what they're asking for from others.

You see where I'm going though don't you? That being a giver can sometimes mean that you're left playing a game of Russian Roulette with your happiness, and that being a taker means you're the one holding the gun.

For a very long time I have always put others needs and wants above my own. It's who I am, and I'm ok with that. I like to see those I care about around me happy. In the end though, those people around me are always going to want or need something, and it's not always going to be in my best interests to jump to fulfill that. It also doesn't always make me feel good or happy whilst helping them.

Now don't get me wrong, everything I do and have done I have chosen to do. I've done it for myself essentially and that feeling of satisfaction and worthiness. I'm not a pushover, and I can and do say no often, but in the end my own self worth comes back to how well I can please others.
This needs to change.

And this is what I'm doing now. For me.
A couple of years ago I pulled out and dusted off some skeletons. I threw as many of those fuckers off a cliff and felt a sense of unburden. A tingle of the suns rays through the clouds, finally. But it didn't take long before new skeletons took place of those who had been sent packing. Small tiny problems, were stuffed in to fill that sense of emptiness, and new issues arose.
I am fed up with those skeletons, and want to fill that space with something else. I am just realising that it doesn't need to be another skeleton, that it can be something that is positive for me. Something I am doing for myself, and not depending on others to give me something.

First step was joining a gym. I have wanted to do this for years. I need the outlet, but more importantly I need the stamina to keep up with my children. I need to feel strong again, physically.
I feel anything but strong after my first week, but I know it will come with time, and the harder I push myself and work at it, the faster it will come. For now I am limiting myself to three times a week until I am ready for more.

Second step is decluttering and planning. A lot of my emotion's depends on my surroundings. If it is chaotic physically around me, I struggle to control my emotions. Since our move, a year ago, I have been a shambles. Our routine is pretty consistent, but I am still struggling to grasp it. I don't understand why, but I think I'm still trying to find the key to it all.

Third step is my children. Investing as much of me and my time to them. I'm an alright mum, but I have my moments where I'm just run down and my patience is low. Especially when I'm feeling angry with myself. I want to work on taking how I may be feeling about other people, finances, any life stresses, and separating them from who I am as a mother and who I am when I'm with my children. I want to work on when I'm with them being truly present and not worrying about how I could be spending that time catching up on this or that, or compiling lists of what I need to be doing.
I've actually been working on this over the last month and the difference is outstanding. My children and I are talking very openly, and I'm really listening and finding something good to praise them on even in difficult times.

Why am I blogging this and what does this mean?
It means for now, I need to accept that I can't spend as much time blogging than I have been previously. It means the time I do spend is going to be quality time. Either during nap time or once the kids are in bed. Now, my brain...it doesn't work the best of an evening, so I'm not sure how well this will work. I'm going to also try and dedicate some weekend time to writing, but this depends on what we have on.

It's time to take a little for myself.
Unashamedly.
Unapologeticly.

All Talk No Action

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I don't talk about high school or the hazy years after much on here. It was a painful time, but I was inspired to share this story with you. It reveals parts of me I'm not proud of, but also a massive reason why I struggle to trust people.
During my senior years of high school I had a wonderful best friend. We were in three of my four classes together, as well as sharing a study period. We were inseparable, and even went on to chase the same career when school finished.

Around the time that I met Mr Black, she met a friend of his and we began dating our men. It wasn't some cheesy in your back pocket double dating orgy type thing, just that we were best friends and they happened to be friends.

Not long afterwards we both found out we were unexpectedly pregnant. I wasn't going to tell her until I knew what I was going to do, but one day after work she came over, closed the door of my bedroom and pulled out a stick with 2 lines on it. I reached into a drawer and pulled out an identical one. Weeks later I had made my decision, and days after that she confided in me that she wasn't sure what to do, that she didn't want to terminate but that her boyfriend had told her she had to, that he didn't want that baby. The arsehole didn't even take her to the appointment.
I cried that afternoon when she told me she had had it done, alone. I hugged her and said that it was ok, there would be lots of time for more babies. She smiled at me, but there was something in her look that made me feel guilty.

A month later we weren't talking anymore. My texts scarcely replied to. I was aware to not talk about my pregnancy, that it may upset her. I only spoke about it if asked and never gushed. Still, we didn't even make it to my first ultrasound before my very best friend had disappeared from my life.

When Bluey was born her and her boyfriend turned up at the hospital. They didn't go to visit him (he was in the NICU), but they surprisingly turned up, and spent half an hour chatting about how great their lives were. The next time I saw her was when Bluey was 18months old. She ignored him, something that had me dumbfounded as she worked in childcare and had always been great around kids. Again she talked about her life, how wonderful it was. I smiled, I was happy for her, but it felt all too forced. I told her I missed her and then never heard from her again.
Mr Black agreed about feeling like it was a competition "Who had the better life". A game we didn't want to play, so our friendship faded with both of them.

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Last year her boyfriend and her turned up to the farewell party of Mr Blacks best mate, the drunken godfather. Mr Black found me quickly when he saw them arriving and held my arm planting a soft kiss on my forehead. He didn't need to say anything, I knew what he was saying with that gesture was 'I'm here, whatever you need. It's ok, there is no pressure to talk to her.'

He knew how much it broke my heart to lose my best friend. He knew how much it hurt me to see her sitting there, talking to our friends, laughing with these people that they had ignored for years, and to see everyone be ok with that.
I was angry.
As the night wore on she did not approach me once. Not even a wave from afar. She clung to her boyfriends side like they were conjoined while I strangely mingled with everyone. I was comfortable here, I knew that, and I made sure she knew that. Spiteful, I know.

The day after the party I received a friend request from her on Facebook. I left it for a week baffled by why she would send this request and not attempt to say, at the very least 'Hi' to me? When I tentatively accepted I asked her just this. We made plans to catch up for coffee and chat. It was ok. Lots of talk about how it was childish of us to let our friendship deteriorate the way it had. Lots of promises from her that she wanted to make things right, that she missed me.
She confided in me her regret over her decision. That they had been trying for quite a while and were having trouble conceiving.
My heart ached for her. Ached for her having to carry the weight of this decision, and now feel like she was being punished.

I invited her to a couple of nights out last year. She didn't attend a single one, or let me know why she didn't. Now, I don't know what to do. As she sits there in the background of my Facebook.

I miss her, but I don't think she is the friend I once knew. I left the past in the past, and tried to move forward with what could be a great friendship again. I don't quite understand why she would seek me out, and keep me around if she had no interest in reigniting a friendship?

Have you ever had a falling out with a close friend from long ago and not known what to do when approached by them years down the track?
Have you ever had to make a decision different to that of a close friends and had it tear you apart?

Last week I published this post about the need to belong. It was some things that have been weighing on my mind for a very long time. Please take the time to read it before reading this post.

Part two...

I don't think there has ever been a time that I've stopped looking for that friend. Even if it's been subconsciously. Everyone is a possible friend, but I admit there are things that are a no go zone for me and will have me quickly crossing the road to avoid you.

Recently, I cannot even say that because it's been quite some time now, that is how wary I am, I have found comfort in a person's friendship. Every fibre of my being wants to chain this person to my couch and make them listen to every tiny little thought that has ever entered my head, because that's just how insane intense I am.
There is that other part, that loud voice, saying 'Back off. You don't want to get hurt again, now do you?'
Sadly, what that voice is saying is a heavy warning that acts as a splash of ice cold water to my face causing me to appear hot and cold, and confusing to read at best.

I won't give up hope though.

Slowly unfurling like a flower does to the first morning rays from the sun, I can see the possibility of something wonderful blooming here. But it's a shy flower, the petals not quite opening all the way, just enough to let you take a little peek inside and the beautiful colours, but not enough for you to see what it truly looks like.

So much of life is a guessing game. Who would think that something as simple as making a friend, or rather not making a friend could be the most crippling of scary situations for someone. We all worry about if we will impress someone, if they will like us. Most of the time they do like us, especially when we are being ourselves and that genuinity shines through.
For me, making a friend who will accept me in all my awkwardness and see there is nothing but the most loyal, honest and loving of people in there once you break through is as instinctive as protecting my children.
I need to do it.

So what are your tips? How do you harness and encourage the growth of a good friendship? Does it "just happen" or do you have to consciously ensure certain stages are met along a specific timeline?
Have you ever felt like something is just right, but feared that your gut is confused because it wants something to be right?

Autumn Looks

For the longest time I was a real jeans girl. People would be shocked to see me in anything but jeans, and lets face it, that only happened like once a year.
I am still a massive fan of jeans, but I'm a really girly girl and so skirts and dresses have been making a regular appearance over time. Usually in winter I resort back to being in my jeans, but this year I want to try and push myself into different styles and fashions that I have been too quick to dismiss in other years.

This season I've been really loving mustard's, plums and dark greens. Splashed with a grey to pull it back a bit. I've also been enjoying seeing lots of knits coming out.
I was however pleasantly surprised when I found this big knitted jumper and upon putting it on how much I liked it. And so kicked off the beginning of what I can assume will be a long friendship with tights.

Warning: Tights should NOT be worn as pants alone. If you want to do this, good on you, but it won't stop me laughing at you. Please, wear a long shirt with your tights, a tunic, or a really short dress. The idea is that you shouldn't see your tight clad ass.

The knit is from Dotti and I got it on sale for $40. The tights are from my drawer, brand and price unknown but I have seen a lot of good thick coloured tights around. I mused that this knit would also suit a light grey tight, but then I would have to change the scarf. The scarf is from the local markets and cost me $5, but again I've seen lots of these around in lots of different stores fro around $10-$15. The ankle boots are Emerson from BigW and cost me $11. (Yes $11!)

The scarf is a key part to this knit. Without it I feel like I'm draped in a potato sack as the knit doesn't cling or enhance any shape. I tried a belt and laughed at how ridiculous I looked, but found draping a scarf down the middle helped create a nice line.
On colder days I layer this look up by wearing a shirt underneath, long or short sleeved depending on the temperature, and it really does keep me feeling toasty warm.

What colours are you loving at the moment?
What looks are you liking this Autumn?
Have you brought anything for yourself yet?
What are you steering clear of?