The last few weekends we have had a few adult committments, with a farewell for one friend, an engagement for other friends. Unfortunately we only have my parents able to look after the kids, most other people the kids aren't close enough to (which proves a problem when one child is as shy as shit). While my parents are more than happy to help out, and i think they secretly hope that we encounter these situations so they get their alone time with the kids to spoil them without me hovering saying "No, don't give them that, they don't need it!", i am not one to ask for the help. Certainly not two weekends in a row, or even in close proximity. This forced us to drag the troops along to the engagement party on the weekend, which the kids were invited to, but well, lets face it these things are never "kid friendly" and you spend most of the time chasing after the kids, checking on the kids, reminding the kids of their good manners and bickering who is going to go and chase after Greenie next and who will sorts out Bluey's latest wild adventure that when an appropriate time comes to leave, you all pile into the car faster than exiting the elevator when someone farts exhausted and ready to come home and go to bed.
It got me thinking, are we really that mad to be taking the kids to these things?
Greenie has spent the night without me twice his entire life. Bluey would be a bit higher, but definately not into the double digits yet. Often times if there is a place we cannot take the kids i simply opt out and stay home to look after them while Mr Black does the social thing. Now they are older, and Greenie is no longer attatched to the boob i can go out for the night if i choose. But asking for the help, that "favour" is still hard for me. I feel like a burden, and my parents know they are the only people we have to watch the kids.
It's not because my children are difficult, they're actually fairly easy with Bluey a social creature but obiedient, and while Greenie is of that troublesome age, and super shy, is happy to just sit an snuggle and read a few books. Sometimes i just want a night off where i don't have to sit and think "where are they and what are they doing?" and rudely run off from a conversation to chase down one of the kids. I only want to have to worry about ME.
What about you? What do you do in these sorts of situations, when children are invited but you know it isn't going to be child friendly? Do you have many people putting their hands up to mind your kids? Do you struggle to ask for and accept help?
My daughter has never had a night away from me, and if she did, I actually think that *I* would be the one to suffer separation anxiety!
ReplyDeleteIt's very rare that we have an occasion to go to at all these days, and if we do, and it's not child-friendly, it's a bit of a hassle to attend, as my parents or sister are really the only people I would trust to watch my children, and they live a good 45mins in the other direction from us. So usually, we either take her with us and make it a very early night, or we don't go at all. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, I chose this lifestyle and I love it.
However having said that, now that my husband is nagging me for some "daddy and daughter time" (without mummy) and I'm itching for a girls night out, I can completely understand it when mothers say they need some time out to re-group, and find their non-mummy self.
I'm like you, my parents are more than happy to watch the kids but I don't like asking for their help too often! That said, I think it's important to have a few grown-up nights every now and then, it's so much easier to be at a party or wedding without kids!
ReplyDeleteWe live over a thousand miles away from our families. The only times I have ever been away from my babies is when I was in the hospital having their brothers, and once I went to Washington for the weekend. It's strange.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I'm like you. If children aren't allowed or invited, I'm not going. I would rather bring my kids to something that they are invited to, and chase after them, showing my support and love to the person throwing the party, then stay home. But that's just me :)
Tricky isn't it! I only have my Mum to take care of mine and she's often looking after my nephew; in-laws are 15,000km away. (note: that's not always a bad thing!!). At the moment my little one is only 14 months and really flexible/happy to go places but there may come a time when it gets a bit harder ... but like you I'm terrible at asking for help. Must learn to do it more often.
ReplyDeleteRewinding from the Fibro!
I only take the kids to things like that if it can't be helped. If I know there are tonnes of kids going, and it's 'family friendly, it's a different story. But if they're going to be the only two kids in the building, forget it. I'm not good at asking for help either, but sometimes it's necessary. The Builder and I will tag team events, depending on whose friends are involved, but I have also gone out of my way to find a network of mums to 'share' babysitting duties with. It's worth the effort!
ReplyDeleteThanks for Rewinding at the Fibro.
I've hit the point where I consider how it is going to be for the munchkin. If we know he'll be fine, happy and comfortable, even if there aren't other kids there, we'll take him. If he's really not going to have a good time, and be put under a lot of pressure to behave, we don't take him. If we're not super keen on going ourselves, we might even use him as an "excuse".
ReplyDeleteI am lucky, in that I do have a good network of grandparents, aunties and friends to call upon as babysitters, but if I didn't, I would have done what my mum did back in the day, and started a babysitting club. Parents really do need adult time, but it's not fair to inflict it on our kids.
Such a good point and a useful reminder for me as I love to host things that are "children welcome" and need to make sure I give equal thought to "child friendly". For what it's worth we take out kids wherever we can as we have limited babysitting options and have discovered that paying for babysitting is more expensive than our budget allows :(
ReplyDelete