I have had a fair bit running through my mind lately, and while my blog certainly isn't solely about my insecurities, and it's not going to become solely about them any time soon, I do have a lot that I could write about. Due to this I have created a new segment called "The Black Files". I won't promise that it will be a weekly thing, but it may pop up occasionally and when it does you will see this icon to warn you that things written below may be triggering for some, and generally just emo for everyone else. 
Desperation.
It oozes from my pores.
I know it does.
I hate it, and try desperately to scrub it away.
Then I am told I am cold.
Heartless, it seems.
I am distant, and not present.
Where is the middle ground though?
I struggle as I sway between being clingy and shut off.
I try to find a balance, but it seems impossible.
Messages unanswered.
People looking the other way.
I want to scream "Can't you fucking see me?! I'm a person too. Would you like to be ignored? Just answer me!"
But I know I shouldn't.
So I am quiet.
Unwillingly observant.
Desperately alone.
Oh mate. Such a sad place to be. Just be you! You want people who love you for you. Don't try. Just be. x
ReplyDeleteoh darling. That certainly is lonely, the desperation painful. Much love and warmest to you tonight. I'll be thinking of you. xxx
ReplyDeleteOh, I just want to give you a hug.... (o)
ReplyDeleteI'm your friend! I just suck at answering messages. Coffee, in two weeks, yes? Yes x
ReplyDeleteAlways here hun xxx
ReplyDeleteI have been there and it sucks. Things do get better. And you have friends in your computer. Sometimes I think they can be better than IRL friends.
ReplyDelete