 |
| Image found here |
Children and maturity.
If you're lucky, you will never have to have a conversation with a teacher about your child's maturity levels.
Really, it's not a fun one to have, because what exactly can you do?
Sometimes, I feel completely overwhelmed with being a mother to Bluey.
The guilt that follows admitting this feeling is dark and empty. In honesty I am just not prepared to parent this remarkable child, and I have found that there is a great lack of support and idea's to help assist parents of gifted children.
There have been times when I have wondered if Bluey has ADHD. Mr Black has insisted on it quite a few times actually. And I know there is a constant worry that he is already showing signs of anxiety problems, as he is very sensitive emotionally.
He is often forgetful and losing his belongings.
He is a social child, very outgoing, but also easily influenced.
"Easily Distracted" has been mentioned to me far too many times by teachers that I finish the phrase off for them before they can get halfway through the first word. How the hell am I supposed to change if he is distracted or engaged from at home?
My answer to his boredom at school has been to let the teacher know he has expressed boredom, and then at home looked at way's I can extend his homework he is already getting.
Last year as the school year wrapped up I was pulled into a meeting with the Principal and the Assistant Principal for Stage 1 and told that Bluey would be in a composite class, that it was something they felt with his situation, and ability to cope in many social situations he would benefit from greatly from having some harder work more easily available to him, as well as peers who are older and would pull him up maturity wise.
Only problem is this doesn't seem to be working. He is still complaining frequently that he is bored. His teacher is already having him work with the older kids, but when you're five and in year one in a composite class, these children are up to three years older than him!
I am struggling to be his mum.
I don't understand why he does some of the stuff he does. Things he wouldn't even attempt here at home, and because I don't understand this, I don't understand how to help him, how to cater for him.
I know that I am not the only person who has a gifted child, or who may have some experience with this. Please if you have any advice, or directions you can point me in, throw them at me.
I've had a look around, but I am not finding anything to help with our situation, and the teachers have not been much help other than "encourage your child with positive reinforcement."
Something we have been doing from day one as I believe in praise for the positive and ignore the negative.
I've pointed out that the issue may be with the fact because of his learning capabilities being up here, that it is quickly expected that the rest of him is up there too when in fact he is a five year old acting like a five year old.
I am tired of my child complaining he is bored, and his teachers complaining about his behaviour.
I'm tired of feeling like I am a failure mum.
I feel so much like this. Miss 10 is reading and comprehending at an age thirteen level, ahead in maths, spelling, social studies, etc. But the gap between ten and thirteen is so huge that we struggle to find a balance in her schooling. She is notorious for lost or forgotten supplies, work, clothes, and so on, and is often referred to as a daydreamer or as not concentrating hard enough.
ReplyDeleteShe's on par socially with other ten year olds but has a lot of anxiety and I think she's really confused and mixed up by this obvious gap in her age vs her ability.
I'm sorry that I have no help for you, because I am still looking for help too! I wish you so much good luck x
Get him assessed for giftedness by a psychologist. That way the school can't ignore it. You are not a bad Mum.
ReplyDeleteYou can do that? I had no idea!
ReplyDeleteI always knew he was smart, but I never wanted to label him as gifted.
His teacher last year said she tested him and that he definitely showed signs of giftedness as he excelled so far beyond the class requirements. He was doing grade 1 work last year, and his teacher this year has just started giving him grade two work, but I have a feeling he isn't really doing it because he is bored (as he complains he is bored multiple times a week, and we had issues with him doing this in the past).
They had him in a special gifted group last year than ran once a week for an hour, it was with gifted grade one kids and I was told he held his own in the group, but they don't have that available this year. (That I'm aware of). The teacher running that (who was his assistant principal, she now teaches grade 6), said that many gifted children plateu around grade 3 and so they don't like to label formally until after then, but I think that it's important his has opportunities and challenge that suit him now as well, otherwise of course he will plateu, and he will struggle when the work starts to become challenging again.
I'm just tired of the behavioural problems they keep coming to me with. Today it was that he purposely broke someone's ruler. Like WTF? He wouldn't even attempt that at home, so why at school?
We aren't having social problems so much as "maturity" so the teachers say. Bluey can be disruptive, it's more that he does little absurd things. Today's complaint was deliberately breaking another child's ruler.
ReplyDeleteMy 22 year old still acts like a 5 year old sometimes. So I'm afraid you'll get no helpful advice from me... except his behaviour doesn't mean you are a failure. Some kids are more challenging than others. That's the way of it.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! x
I have no advice but wanted to say you aren't a bad Mum because of his behavour. I have had this issue with my son (behaviour not giftedness) and I always feel judged. But he is just a tricky kid,. My daugther, who we treat the same, is completely different. Try to hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI could have written this word for word but from a 3 year old boy perspective. Worrying about things like ADHD, teacher's expectations, how they are going to cope in school and this so called "immaturity" (um hello, they're kids - can't they be immature?) does my absolute head in. We have tried the child psychologist route but it wasn't the right fit for us at this time so I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say I hear you x
ReplyDeleteHello, not a failure!! Some kids are just harder work than others. Trust me, I have two tricky and two much easier.
ReplyDeleteNone of mine are gifted but they go to a school that is often reccd for bright kids, and super bright kids. Almost all of them have issues around behaviour and benefit a lot from extra attention. It's a kind of special need too.
I would also suggest getting a formal assessment done. Do email me if you'd like any names, in my area though. There is nothing wrong at all with mums and dads needing help to parent their kids. My eldest is 15 and I have had loads and will need loads more! Am proud these days to be asking for help when we need it. Which is a lot.
I don't really know what to say to be honest. It's such a hard thing. We have the opposite problem. Bridie has been pushed up because she is socially ready and able to be in an older class, but acedmically she is struggling. Finally I have a teacher who seems to understand though.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get some answers soon.
This may sound crazy, but have you ever considered homeschooling (even for a short period) as an option?
I wish I had some answers - is the school counsellor able to offer some support for both you and Bluey, and the teachers.
ReplyDeleteHi there
ReplyDeleteI can relate tothis with my nine year old. He had the same teacher for two years so last year, when we were both sick of hearing how bored he was and how he wouldn't finish his work, we both concentrated on his organisation, memory, watching his belongings and his social side. He found it difficult and really uncomfortable but this year we have a much happier, well adjusted and eager to challenge himself child.Thta's this year anyway if it's any help/ I'm here from FYBF
That honestly must be so challenging!
ReplyDeleteI can imagine how torn you feel!
I have no advice, but I can tell you I was pushed up one year level when I was going through schooling, & it was the best thing ever!
I'm so glad it was a possibility for me :)
Good luck! Please keep us posted xx