Anyone who spends half a second with me is quick to learn of my deep baby ache.
I thought I'd be done with two. An ok amount, someone for my child/ren to grow with and share their life with, but not feeling too overwhelmed or drowned out.
It wasn't even 5 minutes after Greenie was born before I looked up at Mr Black and said with the biggest grin "I want to do this again. Soon."
He looked at me with alarm as he is quite resigned to two. Kids cost a lot of money don't you know?
But I don't see the money only the love and the feeling that for the first time in my life there is a place I belong and something I'm good at.
I begged Mr Black for months "Let's have another." I am pretty sure he thought I was delusional living on 4 hours of broken sleep a night, but any mother knows if you're begging for more in that heavily sleep deprived state that it's a pretty strong feeling.
Six months later, explaining to him that I just don't feel like our family is complete yet, that I'm not done. He shakes his head at me confused. I had said two, and now I was saying five, maybe more. I want a big family and I am changing the plan.
Now our baby is three. Three. I cannot wrap my head around it as my plans shatter to the floor. No more babies. He won't budge, at least not right now, and I won't budge with a big age gap. I want my kids close in age, my boys are already too far apart I feel.
I need to accept that these two gorgeous people, they are it, and that's ok. I love them, and it's ok. Even if I carry a sadness for the babies I will never have. Even if I look at expectant mothers or those with newborns in their arms with a longing desire.
Do you have baby fever?
Are you done with having kids but saddened?
How do you get over baby aching?
Dude that is so hard. I will keep going until Mr Goog cuts me off which I have a feeling might be after #3 but I might be able to wrangle my way up to 4. And no carries more weight than yes.
ReplyDeleteThere's not a whole lot you can do about it except allow yourself to grieve it
Aww! I do hope you get your third baby {I can understand that ache} but even if you don't? You have two fabulous, amazing little boys. And I know this for a fact :) x
ReplyDeleteOooh, I don't know how you get over that baby ache. I definitely had it between numbers one and two but I'm happy with my two. It is such an ache isn't it? Such longing and there's no way to stop it unless, as Zoey said, just allow yourself to grieve. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteIt is hard. Especially when I see him getting clucky over people's babies. Especially when now, he starts swaying and saying "Not right now" but I'm not going to sway on an age gap. I'd rather them all grow up together.
ReplyDeleteAww thank you!
ReplyDeleteOh Miss Pink, I had number 3 10 months ago. She is divine. We were done with two, then my own mama passed away. It made us realise that compared to dealing with death having babies was the easiest and most beautiful part of life. My daughter has healed me. It doesn't matter what they cost, or if you don't sleep for 12 months. They are so worth it. I hope in time he changes his mind.
ReplyDeleteI so get that. I had a girl and a boy and so my once wanting three husband was happy and content. I thought I would be, but I wasn't, I told him I wanted three, that I would forever feel incomplete. Maybe it was the fact that we were originally going to have three that got me over the line. I don't have those feelings anymore. I feel sad that my daughter won't have a sister but that is no reason for another. My hands are full now, as is my heart. I have enough and I'm grateful. I hope you find your happy place.
ReplyDeleteI know that ache! When you'll walk an extra five aisle just to avoid going past the baby department and every single pwonam on the planet seems to be pregnant. We had this argument for several years and I at first was so committed to no age gap just like you. After 5 years when the ache had not gone away he agreed & we had baby no 4. She is absolutely the best thing I ever did. There are ocassions when the age gap is tricky but also many times when the age gap is wonderful. I guess it is a matter of deciding if you want the child, or if the age gap is absolutely insurmountable. You might find if you are willing to expand the gap, he might not feel so overwhelmed by the pressure of providing for 3 kids.. it does get kinda crazy when they all moody teens at once xxx
ReplyDeleteand obviously I need to use spellcheck LOL
ReplyDeleteI'm done, and quite happily so. I didn't feel finished until after Ava, and I understand your frustration. I really hope you can convince him soon. This is such a heavy ache to bear. :(
ReplyDeleteMC wanted 6 when we first met, I said 4. He now wants no more than 3 and I think I could go 6. What's a girl to do besides get pregnant 'accidently'? ;)
ReplyDeleteI feel it... And I have three. If I wasn't 42 I think I'd have another. I think I was meant to have a tribe. I end up adopting other people's kids all the time.
ReplyDeleteI have major baby aching. Just today I was hit by a wall of sadness as I sat outside with my neighbor and watched my son play. She has a 10 month old baby girl and I felt like that will never happen for me. That I will somehow have to be okay with one. I always wanted a big family, but infertility and life has gotten in the way. I would give anything for another baby, but not without a stable life first which feels impossible. It sucks.
ReplyDeleteI am absolutely in the same boat. After a traumatic third pregnancy and birth I thought I would be happily done, but I don't feel we're complete. I always thought I would have four children and the older my youngest gets the more I am positive I am meant to.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, my husband is completely against it. He sites money, too. And then he does this thing where he talks about the posibility. Of 'maybe one day', however, I am dead set against having a baby after 30. My mum had two babies after 30 and she turned into a nutcase and my father had a breakdown. My youngest brothers were 10 and 12 years younger than I was and I practically raised them due to the changes that happened. I am NOT doing that.
As it is, my boy would be over two when a new baby arrived if we were to get pregnant now and, to me, that's already a big gap (the biggest we would have). So, I hear you and I hope you get baby #3 because I know that ache, I know the tears and the incomplete feeling x
Wow - just realised I wrote an essay, sorry!
ReplyDeleteMPS was spayed just after Boo was diagnosed with Autism.
ReplyDeleteIt was the RIGHT thing to do... I know we couldn't handle another one like him but it doesn't stop me, even 10 years later, pining for another baby.
I get it. And xx
That is hard. I am all for big and always had 4 in mind, but my mister is struggling with our two under two, and I wonder if he will want to go back. I'm hoping once they get a little older and things settle he will want another. The big age gap can be okay. My sisters are 10 years older, 7 years older and 5 years older than me, and we are still so very close. Later may be okay... Good luck with whatever happens! xxx
ReplyDeleteWe have two and it's perfect. I feel our family is complete. My husband has spent YEARS begging for more and I had to say no. It's way more work for me than him. We did sit and discuss it, but I think he like the idea more than the reality. But I understand not feeling your family is complete. You want it to feel right. Rachel x
ReplyDeleteOh that is such a toughie, when you are not on the same page it can get very tricky! I totally understand your ache, I'm duffed with number 2 and we would both love more but we are a bit unfertile so it's not our decision - just as tough to deal with!
ReplyDeleteI understand how an experience like that can completely change your outlook but thought I would let you know that my mum had me when she was 36 and my brother when she was 38 and it was wonderful. xox
ReplyDeletewe have none, zero, zilch, nada. the baby ache will never end because it will never be fulfilled because we will never get to have a babe of our own, our arms will forever remain empty.
ReplyDeleteand so yes, i totally understand what you're saying, where you're coming from - the baby ache for some women is there regardless of how many children they have - or don't have and i think as women it's a primal urge that we should never apologise for - if you want a baby, you want a baby, how many you already have is irrelevant!
however from where i'm sitting - i'd swap places with you all xxx
I always wanted 3, Mr A thought maybe 4. But after my 3rd I knew I couldn't go again. I found going from 1 to 2 was not that big a deal, but 2 to 3 seemed HUGE to me. I did not have a second to spare, and looking back, I struggled that first year.
ReplyDeleteSee how it goes. There are lots of advantages to 2 kids. Two parents, two hands, family of four discounts, more attention to the ones you have.
xox