Part two...
I don't think there has ever been a time that I've stopped looking for that friend. Even if it's been subconsciously. Everyone is a possible friend, but I admit there are things that are a no go zone for me and will have me quickly crossing the road to avoid you.
Recently, I cannot even say that because it's been quite some time now, that is how wary I am, I have found comfort in a person's friendship. Every fibre of my being wants to chain this person to my couch and make them listen to every tiny little thought that has ever entered my head, because that's just how
There is that other part, that loud voice, saying 'Back off. You don't want to get hurt again, now do you?'
Sadly, what that voice is saying is a heavy warning that acts as a splash of ice cold water to my face causing me to appear hot and cold, and confusing to read at best.
I won't give up hope though.
Slowly unfurling like a flower does to the first morning rays from the sun, I can see the possibility of something wonderful blooming here. But it's a shy flower, the petals not quite opening all the way, just enough to let you take a little peek inside and the beautiful colours, but not enough for you to see what it truly looks like.
So much of life is a guessing game. Who would think that something as simple as making a friend, or rather not making a friend could be the most crippling of scary situations for someone. We all worry about if we will impress someone, if they will like us. Most of the time they do like us, especially when we are being ourselves and that genuinity shines through.
For me, making a friend who will accept me in all my awkwardness and see there is nothing but the most loyal, honest and loving of people in there once you break through is as instinctive as protecting my children.
I need to do it.
So what are your tips? How do you harness and encourage the growth of a good friendship? Does it "just happen" or do you have to consciously ensure certain stages are met along a specific timeline?
Have you ever felt like something is just right, but feared that your gut is confused because it wants something to be right?
I don't think I have anything of value, or tips to give you or say here. All I could and still can think of us, ' I hear you' and I feel like tapping the screen as I'm looking at it quizically and saying 'Lyndal? Is that you?' because I totally get this, all of it. Making friends as a kid isn't easy making friends as an adult is a near impossibility. Hang in there, keep going xo
ReplyDeleteI don't think about making friends so much. I'm not particularly good at it or anything, but it just seems to happen naturally when it does happen. I think if you worry too much about whether the friendship will take, you might give off vibes that make your worries evident to your new acquaintance.
ReplyDeleteLike with a romantic relationship, either there is friend 'chemistry' or there isn't. Don't worry if there isn't, not everyone is destined to be your 'best' friend. A few acquaintances you can spend time with are good too, while you're waiting for your bestie to come along.
I met you in the cab ride to the airport from DPCON12 and you seem like a very cool and confident person to me. It was lovely to meet you, albeit briefly.
Hi there! this is my first visit to your blog. Aren't I a bad twitter friend :( Look, I have moved around a fair bit and made a lot of friends as an adult. There are some people who I could be really good friends with but I think they're too cool for me and I get intimidated by them, and there are people I could be good friends with but circumstances get in the way (I have kids, they don't, so our schedules are just never aligned). There are probably three or four people in my life who I would consider best friends and they all have caveats - my best friend from high school, my best friend from Sydney, and my best friend from Kiev etc. Each of them have their retinue of best friends and so on and so forth.... Sometimes I get a bit jelly when I hear them talk about their best friends, but it doesn't last long. It's hard to dedicate the energy to best friends when you're all grown up - in high school it was easy to be besties, seeing each other all day and calling each other at night.
ReplyDeleteThere is definitely a chemistry - I have friends that I really get along with, who are really good friends. Whether or not they elevate to bestie is simply whether I am in a position to really get to know them and spend time with them. And that includes online. So... that's a really jumbled mumbled way of saying that I think friendships grow relatively organically but they still need work and nurture...