I don't think there has ever been a time that I've stopped looking for that friend. Even if it's been subconsciously. Everyone is a possible friend, but I admit there are things that are a no go zone for me and will have me quickly crossing the road to avoid you.
Recently, I cannot even say that because it's been quite some time now, that is how wary I am, I have found comfort in a person's friendship. Every fibre of my being wants to chain this person to my couch and make them listen to every tiny little thought that has ever entered my head, because that's just how
There is that other part, that loud voice, saying 'Back off. You don't want to get hurt again, now do you?'
Sadly, what that voice is saying is a heavy warning that acts as a splash of ice cold water to my face causing me to appear hot and cold, and confusing to read at best.
I won't give up hope though.
Slowly unfurling like a flower does to the first morning rays from the sun, I can see the possibility of something wonderful blooming here. But it's a shy flower, the petals not quite opening all the way, just enough to let you take a little peek inside and the beautiful colours, but not enough for you to see what it truly looks like.
So much of life is a guessing game. Who would think that something as simple as making a friend, or rather not making a friend could be the most crippling of scary situations for someone. We all worry about if we will impress someone, if they will like us. Most of the time they do like us, especially when we are being ourselves and that genuinity shines through.
For me, making a friend who will accept me in all my awkwardness and see there is nothing but the most loyal, honest and loving of people in there once you break through is as instinctive as protecting my children.
I need to do it.
So what are your tips? How do you harness and encourage the growth of a good friendship? Does it "just happen" or do you have to consciously ensure certain stages are met along a specific timeline?
Have you ever felt like something is just right, but feared that your gut is confused because it wants something to be right?