I'm used to the shocked responses these days. This time was no different with the person saying they thought I was in my late twenties.
I know sometimes I appear older, more lived. Catch me on the flipside and I'm exactly the opposite. A teenager still fumbling to find her way. Burning her hands countless of times. Drinking too much and saying inappropriate things.
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I laugh at a lot. I mean, a lot. Usually really inappropriate things too. The cruder the better. I think why cry when you can laugh? No matter what happens I want to be able to laugh about it, eventually.
There is not much I know about myself beyond the superficial. I am scared too seek answers about myself because I am scared of the answer, even if I spend a lot of time frustrated at my lack of answers.
Sometimes I talk too much. About myself, my opinion, or nothing at all. In the same moment I can be cold and unwelcoming. It's because of my internal push and pull to want to reach out and connect, but also protect myself.
I am impatient and restless. I like quick results. I think it's because I live life like it's a race. There is just too much to do, too many answers to find, and not near enough time.
I don't do emotions well. It doesn't make me heartless, and I don't expect you to understand it.
I am a lazy perfectionist. Yes, figure that one out.
I'm always thinking. Over thinking. Reading into situations. It's tiring and yet I can't seem to stop.
I know I have a warped sense of myself. I am learning that I need to listen to others, not be afraid to ask their opinion of me, and take that on board. I do fear others perception of me, so this doesn't happen often.
I am completely unsure of who I am, and I'm mostly ok with that. I'm ok with always learning about myself. What's important is who I am to you?