I am hoping that this won't seem like a rehash to those of you who read the post (and if not you should go and read it right now) but a variation of me sharing my story. Because I can.
 |
| Image found here |
Social anxiety being a big part of this blog, amongst my other anxieties. People in my life do not know of these battles. I simply do not show my struggles because that is who I am. I am not a woe is me person, and I exude a very tough exterior.
It was by chance that I even opened up about it on this blog. That was never the plan, much less what I envisioned for this blog.
But I do share things I wouldn't in person.
It doesn't make me any less true to myself, it actually gives you a bigger understanding of who I am and if we are lucky enough to meet, I hope that you hold that knowledge dear to you because it's a great fucking deal to me.
I don't talk to people. I don't open up and do all the inner feeling talking.
I don't *think* I am cold. I love to hear about what other people are thinking and feeling and really pick their brains. I'm just not big on sharing the deep stuff myself.
Selfish of me huh?
So my blog has become a platform to share that. To be a little less selfish, but in doing so I feel incredibly selfish.
Does this mean I am sharing one side of the story?
No. This is my story, and mine alone.
I do not lie because honestly, the things I live through, the battles I fight against myself are things I only wish I were lying about.
I share in the hopes that someone will understand. That I can make a connection and hopefully when I do need someone I will cross over to being able to talk to someone, anyone instead of battling this myself.
Writing the words here, it's my way of reaching out whilst still holding you at an arms distance.
Please don't be afraid to reach back. I need it more than I'll admit to your face.
I understand my lovely.
ReplyDeleteThe main reason I am an anon blogger (as in no one in real life knows I blog) is because I share things here that I don't talk about. Weird isn't it? We feel more comfortable sharing with strangers on the Internet rather than people in real life.
I think you are one who deeply understands how it can work. It's not fool proof and people can come and find you if they look hard enough, but it's a nice place to air some thoughts and emotions and see how other people may react.
ReplyDeleteI try and keep fairly anonymous because I WANT to be able to share as much as I can (such as my last blog post!) I started blogging because I don't have a lot of very close friends and I found myself really needing to talk about certain things such as trying to have a baby. I completely understand that need to reach out but still keep people at arms length.
ReplyDeleteI understand hon.I dont blog but when I do twitter and comment on blogs my friends and family dont know that I do so either.
ReplyDeleteIt is my way of having my own piece of me to share where I know I cant get judged by those close to me.
Have enough of that in my real life.
I think it is wonderful that while we bare our souls and share words from our heart we not only help ourselves but we also help eachother.xx
I think getting thoughts out of our head and written in black and white is good for us, no matter who we choose to share it with. I used to be very public about my blog, but I tired of people IRL voicing their opinions about anything that I said. I wrote my first really personal post this week that some people IRL would love to know all the ins and outs of, but I no longer feel obliged to give everything to everyone. Keep writing for you. X
ReplyDeleteJust keep doing what works for you. Some people blog anonymously - others openly. Some people share everything - others edit. I'm glad you've found a release in blogging. Thank you for sharing x
ReplyDelete