You know, because torturing my body and sweating enough to eliminate the desert in Australia is so selfish of me.
You open this little treasure box and find assorted fruit, yogurt, sultana's, sometimes I add a packet of Tiny Teddies, and of course a drink bottle filled with water.
I shit you not my kids gobble that shit down like it's the best motherfucking candy in the world.
Creepy man in the white van take note, you catch more kids with fruit and veggies.
It's not a large bag, and because Bluey is usually at school Greenie takes charge with being responsible for this bag of goodies, zero problem.
Now, Bluey being older was given the task of being bag manager on a recent visit to the gym. Greenie asked to take it often but I said no that it was Bluey's turn. I'm big on instilling chivalry and mateship, or whatever.
So things were going good right. Kids were behaving, I even decided to take them to Story time at the library even though I was in my stinky gym clothes because I'm a top mum like that.
Until we left the library and I looked at Bluey and said "Where is the bag? Did you leave it at the library?"
A look of horror crossed his face before he mumbled "No, I left it on the bus." The bus we had gotten off an hour earlier. The bus where the last thing I told him was "Don't forget to grab your bag." The bus he and his brother were too busy fighting over who would get to press the button to let the driver know we wanted to get off at the next stop.
And so the adventure of the drink bottle began....
Maybe he has fallen asleep?
Suddenly I find myself sliding. I slide quite a way until I hit something.
Bluey hasn't noticed because he's asleep, but it's ok, he will find me when he gets off the bus.
The bus is quiet. I realise we haven't moved for quite a while. I wonder what is going on?
Before I know it I am being picked up. See, I knew he hadn't forgotten me. I've been so kind to him over the years keeping him hydrated and cool.
Besides I'm a first rate drink bottle. I have the Tupperware tattoo, meaning I don't come cheap. I'm fucking first class! But when the bag is opened I am not greeted with the bubbly face of my Bluey but a monster. He tells me it's ok, that he is a bus driver and he will put me somewhere safe so that if my beloved Bluey comes looking for me we will be reunited, but instead I am locked away in a cage. I do not believe this monster and so I weep.
Days, weeks, possibly months pass as I slowly become a shell of a drink bottle in this cage.
How could he have abandoned me? Left me behind? Surely he hasn't traded up to one of those Kleen Kanteens. I've seen his mother eyeing them off, mumbling something about "BPA Free". Doesn't she know I'm the cream of the crop? The best of the best!
A different monster comes back to my cage, unlocking it and picking me up. 'This is it.' I say to myself. My end is here. But then I see her, goddess like with a light shining on her. It's Bluey's mum, she has returned for me! She wraps me up in her arms muttering a thank you to the monster.
It is not long before I am reunited with Bluey who spends some time throwing me up in the air giggling. I have missed my boy, and it seems he has missed me too.