The Weight

Image from here

Sometimes I forget the most simple things. Things we do all the time without thinking. Our body reacting to some unheard command. Things we don't even realise we're doing until it's pointed out to us. Things like blinking, swallowing the saliva that builds up inside your mouth. That kind of stuff.

Anxiety is an unseen weight that you carry around. It's heavy, but after a while you almost don't realise it's there. You don't notice that you've shifted your life so that things that make you feel uneasy, that set  you off, simply aren't a part of it, or that when they are you ensure you are in complete control.

Sometimes when you shift ever so slightly you're reminded of that unbearable weight.
In an instant the entire world seems to spin. Something as simple as placing one foot in front of the other isn't so simple anymore. You feel like a baby learning to walk. The frustration as you stumble because you don't quite have the strength or coordination, or perhaps both, to lift one foot and place it in front of the other.
A feeling of being paralysed. The anger and frustration quickly rising at something you know you can do, but right now you can't. Even though you want to.

Do not even get me started on something like breathing.
How I can watch the rise and fall of my chest  but I cannot feel the oxygen filling my body. I feel cut off from what I need to survive.
In the snap of your fingers things can go from fine to a scramble and chaos without anything really happening.
Anxiety isn't an easy battle because you're fighting yourself and the subconscious you always seems to be that little bit more in control.

How's that weight?