|Image from here|
Now I'm talking friends, not acquaintances, or people you casually see. People who you can call up if a problem arises, who you can complain to when you are having a bad day and you don't worry that you've inconvenienced their day.
A person who knows you so it doesn't matter if they judge an action or decision you make. They will still care about you because they know you on the inside despite your imperfect moments.
After the move I was lucky enough to make a couple of friends with children in Bluey's school. Two who I became close with. One moved to another state at the start of the year. I was ok with it, it sucked, but it was ok. Now I am losing the second. The one I am actually closer with. The one I spend hours chatting to at least five days a week. Who has children the same age as both of my children. Who has just enough in common and the guts to say when she disagrees.
And I'm angry. I am so so angry that I have put myself out there to end up where I was before.
To feel like everything I had gained has been ripped from me.
This friendship thing doesn't come easy to me. It's hard to feel comfortable around a person, so when I do it's a pretty big deal.
I don't know how to respond. I am excited for her, for dreams being realised, for her happiness, of course, but I feel like an old toy dropped and left behind in the mud.
A part of me is giddily excited, but there is the other part, the hidden part, that feels nauseous at the whole thing.
BFF is here but it's only temporary, and a part of me has known that from the start. It is why I branched out and felt the sharp sting of a burn many times over trying to make a friend.
A huge part of my confidence, of my strength of late has laid in feeling as though I have a person, here, in person. Now it is lost, and I'm not too sure how I will handle it when I was already dangling dangerously on the edge.
Comments are off for this one guys. Sorry.